Married to the Money

A silent majority stays for the money

This is an equal situation for both men and women, although women may be more vulnerable to it, men are equally compelled to stay in marriages — because of the money.

Many times throughout my marriage, I was the breadwinner. I paid off the loans, paid rent, bought groceries, petrol. I supported my husband. In return I expected the same when we had children. Three weeks after getting home from hospital after delivering our first, and still bleeding, I was back at work because he just couldn’t deal.

All of my dad’s money was tied up in our house, a deal which was struck before marriage, that I would use it to build our dream home if I could stay home with the babies once we had them. He denied ever making that deal.

Retrospect taught me about my husband but at the time my love was snow blind. I was so busy just trying to feed myself and my children (yes I was THAT snow blind) that I didn’t see it. I had been brought up in trauma and my whole view of the world was skewed and for a talented manipulator, I was easy pickings.

But years go by. Assets build. You have cars, loans, investments. Yes I had steered them all because as I said, I am an IDIOT, but nonetheless, I had built up a portfolio of assets for us.

So when you wake up and realise that hang on, I am in actual danger here, it is hard to walk away from those assets.

Until one day, after being kept awake for 72 hours and trying to be convinced that it is better that we all die, you realise the time is now to get the hell out. He goes to work to leave you to think about it, but he really believes that tonight would be the best time to do it.

You check your secret bank account — $80.00 because he has taken the rest. Your car has quarter of a tank of petrol but it can get you to safety.

You sit the three kids down and tell them, ‘Your life is about to change’ and put them in the car and get the hell out of there, not knowing where or how or who but you drive.

As you look back at all your worldly possessions and the heirlooms handed down two generations, you imagine them all broken, smashed and burned. You look at the house you are paying for and…